Saturday, December 5, 2009

suckers (rewritten).

oh your beauty.
it shimmers amongst
the crystal waves.
sparkling like silver
upon the moistened sand.

You call me in and
use my permanent
obsession for plunder,
to bring me ashore.
into your treasured arms.

I felt the discrepancy
in value. Unreal was the
smile i found mapped upon
your face.

Fools Gold.

But yet,
I still felt wealthy.

Cause at that moment,
I traded my soul with
him beneath.
I exchanged my breath
for laughter.

the flowing blood boils
as I soak in your warmth.

it's comforting...

those who sailed the seas
before I, warned me
of your voice.

but I accept the turmoil
to listen to your song,

the melody of the siren.


  1. thank you jennifer for your previous input.
    i feel this is a better, complete, piece :]

  2. Ahhh Ethan it's SO much better now! I love it, it is much more cohesive. I'm glad you reworked it.


    this was a completely different piece before. i agree that it's more cohesive and it retains a power from beginning to end with the rewrite.